Quick catch up

It's been far too long since my last post.  And far too long since a good workout pattern, too.  To summarize, my smaller size as well as my "normal" sized clothes aren't fitting, so I'm trying to put an end to the bs eating and excuses I've been making lately.  The scale shocked me the other day, too.  Actually, it didn't...  I specifically got on it because I knew my ass was growing and for some reason I wanted more proof than just the tight pants.  (The next day it showed 4 pounds less though, which was a reminder to not obsess over the number too much.) 

I think I did a few P90X workouts since my last post but not more than that.  I did take advantage of my YMCA membership by trying an elliptical yesterday, which I loved.   For my own notes - I did 3.25 miles & burned 360 calories in 40 minutes.  I had no goal in mind, I don't know what's "good," I just tried it out and had fun.  I'm sure I'll go for more next time.  We normally are just there for the various sports the boys are involved in.  Jackson loves going to the playroom so any time I can use their equipment I think I will to mix it up from the home workouts. 

I definitely have a lot going on at home in terms of spring cleaning, trying to go through the kids' rooms and organize, donate, etc.  We will host Easter and the next weekend we will celebrate Jackson's third birthday.  I have found various toys downstairs that he will absolutely LOVE that have been in hiding since his brothers outgrew them.  We bought him just a few small things to open but he will be thrilled with these other treasures!  I have been working in the basement and the garage and would like to do some planting soon, so working out in the midst of these projects (at least at home) isn't happening because as usual, I'm flying around from one thing to the next.  As long as I'm working hard at something productive I am usually satisfied, but I can't go days and days without a good workout if I hope to drop any of these pounds. 

We have spent LOTS of time outside lately shooting baskets, chasing balls and running around which has been so much fun.  I took a jog one day last week, not very far, but I'm trying to throw in activity when I can.  I can't resist this nice weather and all of the sudden it will be too HOT to want to spend much time outside.  Once that happens we will make lots of trips to the neighborhood pool, and hopefully I can get back to the P90X workouts, too.  Not that I'm giving them up now, I just have zero motivation when all of these projects are calling my name.

Superman Banana

Yep, Friday was a fun one!  At the last second I realized that day 1 of week 4 was actually a different schedule than what I had been on, so I got to mix it up with a new DVD.  Happy to report I did it! 

Now it's Saturday afternoon and freaking gorgeous outside.  I've had a busy first part of the day and right now, surprisingly, I'm motivated to listen to some tunes w/ the windows wide open & finish cleaning the kitchen that didn't get finished the other day.  I anticipated wanting to nap, so I still feel this is progress.  :)  I think I'm going to settle for that, and maybe some playing outside before our family birthday dinner out tonight. 

Tomorrow is looking promising to get a workout in, feel free to hold me to that!

Happy Weekend!

Thursday

Technically, the day after Kenpo is day 7, which is the "rest or stretch" day.  I decided to nap.  I didn't earn a rest or stretch day having only done two workouts recently after the 5 days off, however I was tired, and I did some pretty substantial cleaning so I decided to nap. 

If I didn't stay up late like I do (again, tonight,) I'm sure I wouldn't need the nap but until I change my habits I need to do what I need to do.  I had the kids to myself (with places to be) tonight, so I felt a recharge was the best option and I have no regrets :) 

So, tomorrow is day 1 for week 4.  I am also going to tackle the kitchen counters and floors.  See ya!

Wednesday, still

I totally confused myself.  My last two entries were written after midnight, so of course the post shows the next day's date.

TODAY was Wednesday, and I did Kenpo.  I had tons of energy and totally kicked ass.  LOVE IT!

Sleep was rough last night due to my husband's allergies, so I'm heading to bed before midnight tonight!  That doesn't happen very often.  I am hoping it will help me stay on track the rest of this week.

Night!

Wednesday - Week 3, Day 5

I started this blog out by posting each day how the workouts were going and making a point to "check in."  I decided posting daily was kind of obnoxious, but I think it was keeping me more accountable so I may need to try that again.  I got a pretty late start running errands today and ended up waiting until after the kids were home from school to work out, but I did it!  It felt good, but it was hard.  I did the ab ripper portion, too, and that one actually went pretty well.

I can (as always,) feel the extra pound or two that creeps back whenever I get off course, and it usually makes me feel sluggish.  But also motivated!  I paid for the late night a bit today, too.  I'm thankful that I found the energy to get through it and I'm trying to move ahead and stay positive.  The problem with taking 3, 4, and this time 5 days off is that getting back in feels a bit like starting over each time.  I can certainly feel a difference with the stopping & starting from how it should be.  I don't know why I would continuously put myself through that.  The workouts are enjoyable and easier when your body is prepared.  That is how the program is designed, and I know it works.

Tomorrow will be the last workout for week 3, although I am probably at least 2 full weeks behind from where I should be.  After skipping days I just resume where I left off so that I'm still getting each workout in, in the correct order.  Honestly if I could get a good 5 days in a row each week and say the hell with it on weekends I would probably be happy at this point.  I know I shouldn't make that deal with myself but it's Tuesday, and my goal for right now is going to be THREE MORE DAYS. 

However, I just found something a little inspiring that sort of contradicts that mini goal :) 

(I wasn't talking about QUITTING, though!)

Keep moving!

Still here

I've been enjoying the family, loving food and missing workouts.  Five days, to be exact.  I'm not giving up.

Today I tackled some organizational projects and it was great, but doing that meant not working out.  Looking for a way to balance it all.  Well, first I need some true motivation because if it was important enough I would have left the kitchen a mess to get the workout in.  It's still not all put back together and I have errands to run tomorrow.  We'll see. 

I just started to write, "I'm desperate to.." but I'm not.  I'm not desperate to.  I don't want to get to a point where I'm so desperate.  But I want to care and I want to want to make the time to workout every day.  I know last year we had some of the same weekend commitments and I still managed to make it a priority.  I would go out on a Saturday night but I didn't feel guilty indulging a little because I had done a great workout earlier in the day.  And I would do another on Sunday.  (Plus, I had eaten well and worked out all week, too!)  Once we even cleaned the house and left time for a workout before hosting a party because skipping a day was not an option.  This time around on most weekends I give myself a pass on Saturday, which extends to Sunday.  We go out to eat on the weekends quite a bit, and I don't necessarily feel too guilty about it.  I know that doesn't cut it and that I can do better.  Hopefully talking about it will help, not sure.

Sorry for the lack of inspiration today!  I'm going to search for something inspirational to add.

OK--so this one doesn't help. 

I wake up every day with the realization that this is it,

that there's only one shot at this life

and I can either enjoy the ride and live it to its fullest and

to my highest potential or I can stay the way I am.

I am not unhappy with who I am or how I am.  I try to live this life to the fullest and pay attention to what matters.  Of course, health matters, and taking care of yourself increases your chance of having more life to fulfill. 

BUT, this is why I'm not working out every day how I am fulfilled---

I want play time with my kids, time to keep the house organized and clean, time to cook (when I'm in the mood, which is actually a lot,) time to buy the groceries so that I can cook, and clip coupons before the shopping.  I want time to keep the kids involved in activities, help with homework and keep social lives for the five of us.  I want to sit on the back deck and drink coffee and check Facebook and watch TV with my husband and go for walks and sit by the fire.  And how about a nap?  I read sleep is important, too.  I rarely take the time to call or visit with friends, so I need time for that, too.  I would like time to read the books that are still sitting on the shelves uncracked.  I am finding that I want time to blog.  (I have probably 10 "drafts" that I have started with various ideas that I have not yet put together.)  I do not mind sacrificing sleep to write a much needed catch-up to a good friend.  I actually hate to call it a day and give in to sleep most nights.  I LOVE sleep, and I really REALLY love my bed, and my husband too.  :)  I just also like to be awake.  Having the house quiet and all to myself is exceptional.  Well, not completely quiet, I'm really digging the playlist.

I know each day isn't about going to the park and sitting around reading a book on the front porch inbetween helping with homework and checking on dinner.  But, it kind of is, at least right now.  There are these full days where I don't feel like getting a DVD out and as the weather gets nicer I am concerned it's not going to get better.  Taking a family walk is nice, but it's not good enough if I want to see results.  

While editing I realized that the above list was not only excuses for why I have no time to workout (at least every day,) but also the reasons I need to workout.  I will have more strength and energy to enjoy all of these things that I want.  I will probably go to bed earlier and wake up more refreshed, better able to tackle some of the less pleasant parts of the day--including the afternoon workout!  I will feel more satisfied and accomplished when it comes time for some chilling once everyone is home again.  I realize it's a cycle for me, I just need to get back in it.

I guess I was able to make that quote work for me after all.  Definitely going to bed (1:09 am!?)  I sat down here to post a couple of sentences just to check in.  Typical me.

GOODNIGHT!

A great day!

Yesterday was a really good day and I realized it had a lot to do with being more energized because of working out, getting to bed a little sooner, and eating better. 

My six-year-old was honored in the morning with a student of the month award.  So proud!  We all got up earlier and got ready to go to school, and it set the pace for an excellent day for me.  Instead of dragging out of bed and then rushing everyone off to school to come back home and slowly get going, I was ready to go for the day and filled with energy.  The beautiful weather in February didn't hurt either.  Gorgeous!

My youngest, Jackson, will be three in April and last month I signed him up for preschool for next year.  (Only nine hours a week.)  It has occured to me ever since that evening that he is no longer a baby.  He needs to learn his ABCs and he needs to be potty trained, among other things that I think he is mastering just fine.  Staying on top of this and enjoying these precious times while he is still mine full-time means picking and choosing how to spend the days.  Today I got back to business with housework but yesterday was some good Mommy & Jackson time.

We got home from the morning award program at school and he wanted to play with his basketball and hoop, which is his favorite thing to do.  Normally in the morning I would say, "maybe later," but this time it was different.  After a couple of minutes he was ready to move to the backyard to play on the swingset.  When his big brothers are home they usually all play together, I don't always take the time to go out with them.  Somehow racing around with the light sabers isn't as appealing to me as one-on-one giggle time with a 2 year-old.  We sat up on the top platform of the playset and laughed and had the best time.  It reminded me of what I already know, that doing something simple is usually enough.  You can be "in the moment" anywhere.

I also realized yesterday that Jackson is at the perfect age to "walk" on a walk.  Don't you often take a walk but the little one goes into the stroller or a wagon, set up with snacks and a drink in the cup holder?  I hope that isn't just me!   We have taken plenty of walks in the neighborhood but I realized he is always riding, especially when the older two are riding their scooters.   I guess last summer and fall he wasn't as good about holding hands, that is probably why this was a new event.  There are certain ages and seasons for different types of walks with various wheels, but what a treat it was holding his tiny toddler hand and walking side by side.  We were not on a time schedule and I wasn't trying to break a sweat.  It was just for fun, but far healthier than being stuck inside in front of the TV.  We listened to birds, counted mailboxes, stopped to look at orange paint spots on the street, jumped over cracks and watched the men building houses up the street.  We also shared Skittles.

 



Jackson had been spotting these markings on the streets and kept saying "orange."  He has a speech delay so all of these language experiences make me extra happy.  In fact this was the first day I heard him say "mailbox," and he was saying it over and over again.  Back to this picture...  I said, "Go look at that orange spot," and he sat down in the middle of the street next to it!

A walk doesn't even come to mind when I'm in lazy-mode.  Yes, I've gone through many months of lazy phases over the years.  Whenever I try becoming more active I tell myself, "Any activity is better than what you were doing before, which was nothing!"  But the more active I become, the more strength and energy I have, and the more I want to do.  It's pretty amazing.  Today I started strong on week 3 of P90X and I am feeling good.  Yesterday I chose a walk for Jackson and I rather than playing with the same old things inside.  The night before last, even after an intense workout, I was playing basketball and running in the streets a little with the bigger kids after dark.  (If this was my typical energy level it wouldn't be worth mentioning.  This is positive change!)

Being outside is so rejuvenating for me and I look forward to a lot of warm days where we can soak up more experiences like these. 

  

"Mommy up, please!" 
Even little boys run out of energy sometimes.

 

Stay-at-home mom... focusing on the home

I'm not sure this post is going to be about exercise, or food, or P90X.  That's okay, I never signed a contract stating this blog wouldn't take a detour to the typical, "I'm a Mommy and I Love it (Most Days)" style now and then.  I love the mommy blogs!  My most favorite person (and blogger) that I've never met is http://www.kellehampton.com/  I am completely inspired by Kelle.  She captures the little moments in her amazing photographs and paints the clearest pictures with captivating descriptions of her everyday life.  I say I'm inspired to see the beauty in those simple moments and appreciate these fleeting moments with my kiddos, but then I stop and give myself credit for having already done that.  She does inspire me to go above and beyond at times, which is a good thing.  I will never regret doing more.  And I also give her credit for inspiring me to take more photos!  

Moving on to the topic-- I have been a stay-at-home mom for 9 1/2 years and I feel so incredibly blessed to have had this opportunity.  Truly, truly blessed.  My first son was born in July of 2002, the second in July of 2005 and the third in April of 2009.  By the time one started preschool another would come along to keep me company.  Perfect!

I feel that SAHM = laundry done, house clean, bills paid, fridge and pantry stocked, social calendar kept, family fed well-balanced home cooked meals, everything organized and everyone in order.  As I edit this, I realize I left out what I believe to be the most important- playing with the kids (happy kids) and teaching them about their world (successful, independent kids.)  I think I have control over that part, maybe that is why the more challenging things came to mind first.  About those chores... My description of a SAHM seems ideal, I didn't say it was practical.  It may work for some but that is not how it works for me.  At least not every day.  Most days we put the kids to bed and I wonder, "Where did this day go?"  Now that I have added in a daily afternoon workout, it is that much harder to fit it all in.  Nap time is a great time to get stuff done, but that is when I have to workout.  If I do a cleaning marathon when the little guy is up, I am neglecting him while he watches too much TV and gets himself into trouble.  See example.



Seriously?



I am often overwhelmed with everything that should be done.  I go from one project to the next, one room to another, leaving things started and unfinished.  Baby powder messes and poopy diapers derail any progress I was making in the other room.  I begin wondering if it's just procrastination and lack of focus or something more, maybe a little bit of ADD?  What I do know is that I am constantly reading other stay-at-home moms saying the same things, so I try to let it go without letting it get too far "gone."  Five people live in this house which means that every day we use three bathrooms, cook with pots and pans, eat from many dishes, use far too many cups and glasses (anyone else?,) drop crumbs, dirty our clothes, play with toys, and jump out of four slept-in beds to get ready for each day.  Every day. 




Edit:
 A friend just posted this on Facebook.  Love it!

That is my beautiful life, one I am lucky to have.  I am not complaining.  Like the sayings go, this means we have a happy home, children are fed, the kids are playing, blah blah blah.  (I actually love those sayings.)  These are all days I want to cherish and that I'm going to miss, so accepting that I can't get to it all every day is pretty easy.  Alright, maybe too easy at times.  I am never going to wish I had ignored the kids to keep the house ready in case Better Homes and Gardens stopped by for a photo shoot.  I assume most parents I know would agree with me there, I'm just stating the obvious.  Today it simply hit me in a different way during a sweet walk with a special boy (more on that in a minute... or maybe a separate post!)  Like some new revelation, I realized that the items on these lists are never going to be checked off.  "The cycle of laundry," anyone?  Whatever you wash or put away is going to become dirty and get dumped out again, probably within the same hour.  So what?

Not being able to see an end in sight is often a deterrent to getting started, at least for me.  You still have to get started, though, or you have chaos.  It helps me to break projects down into smaller steps and enlist help from other family members when they are home, but the daily to-do list for the sahm often leaves me wondering, "What did I get done today?"  Feeling accomplished in the "home" and also that I spent quality time being "mom" is a challenge at times, but there are those rock-star mom days where everything fits perfectly, too.  Perfect or chaotic, I love every minute of it.   

I do have to say, I don't go to bed with dirty dishes left anywhere except inside the dishwasher.  :)

Focus

When I first got back into this I realized right away that I needed to declutter my workout space so that I could focus.  Our house has a big upstairs room which is where we have our TV and all of our weights.  There is no better place for me to exercise.  The problem is that it is also the area where most of the kids' toys and books are, the DVDs that are constantly removed from cases and not put back, where the snacks are taken and crumbs and trash are left behind, even though we do not allow food upstairs.  Grr!  Of course, I had my main area clear, but I'm talking about the other things that caught my eye that I couldn't ignore.  While I stretched out I saw candy wrappers hidden under the couch (I'm the mom that finds that type of thing funny, FYI,) and a DVD left out of the box with it's match across the room.  There was even toothpaste on the carpet - What the hell?  No one should be brushing their teeth out there!  So many distractions.  I found myself going down for a lunge and grabbing a toy and flinging it into the toy box.  Spotting laundry on the floor in a boy's room and running to grab it.  Sure, I'm all for multitasking but I knew once I was able to spend some time really tackling that room it was going to be a much nicer environment where I could FOCUS. 


Over the first week I got things in order and cleaned up those newly found spots on the carpet that I had been staring at while doing push-ups.  It has helped tremendously, but I still find myself strategically moving around to pick up toys during the exercises.  Today I was lunging for LEGO pieces since that is the current craze in my household.  Enough already!    


I think cardio housework is totally possible, by the way.

Talking about losing focus, I had to laugh at myself a couple of weeks ago for thinking about the blog and what I may write while I was working out.  Instead of letting the ideas fly through (worrying they'd escape) I jotted a few thoughts down so I could continue my focus on the workout.  Someone once told me to keep a notepad on your bedside table so that if you think of things before bed you can write them down.  You are able to relax because you aren't worrying you'll forget the idea or the item for your grocery list.  It really helps.   Besides something silly like that, there are plenty of other distractions.  Worrying about someone, wondering what I am making for dinner, or the iPhone lighting up with a new text message.  Ignoring it, but then wondering "what if...?"


Finding time to workout can be challenging enough without trying to tack on extra time to mentally prepare and prepare the workout space.  But I think breathing purposefully, deep stretching and clearing the mind to really get into the zone are all very important and very difficult with so much other stuff in the way.  I have cut a workout short because I couldn't get past all of the junk in my head telling me I didn't have time to workout.  That's crap!

I want to make a point to tackle the daily to-do list as much as I can before my allotted workout time, and also stay on the kids to keep things in that room in order for me.  I think those are reasonable goals. 



How do you stay focused?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Workout update- After a fun three-day weekend led to a sad three-day workout hiatus, I'm back on track today and feeling great!  No excuses the rest of this week!!! 

Monday update

Yoga on Friday was great.  I skipped about 10 minutes in the middle but 80 minutes is still a lot! 

Haven't had a very good weekend as far as working out and watching what I eat, BUT it's been a fantastic weekend.  The family is off school and work today so we are relaxing at home recooperating from all of the fun.  I'm hoping to get a workout in since I have just missed two days already BUT at this point I'm not sure it's going to happen.  It is BEAUTIFUL outside.  I know a walk isn't nearly as intense but I am thinking some basketball on the driveway with the boys and running around may work today. 

Note to self

Do not dread day 3 workout!  I rocked it!  I am so quick to acknowldedge when I don't do a bonus section (yesterday, last week) on DVD #2 but never realized I have always done the bonus on day 3.  On this one I am never at a point where I feel I need to throw in the towel, so I keep going and only today realized that the instructor offers an invitation to exit the workout for this "bonus round."  It feels like even more of an accomplishment now!

I'm finding that the notes I have taken are helping tremendously.  They say to write everything down all along but I NEVER did last year.  I was able to see that I used 5 pound weights for almost the entire workout last week, next to my comment that said, "VERY SORE!"  Today, I wasn't sore, so I used heavier weights for everything and it felt great.  I may be a little sore tomorrow, but it's yoga so I'll work it all out for sure.

Week 2, Day 2



Isn't this adorable?

Yesterday was Valentine's Day.  We made cupcakes, cake pops, and had the cutest heart shaped pizza from our VERY FAVORITE pizza place.  It ALL tastes so much better when you're working hard beforehand, or the next day. 

Yep, I worked out again today!  I hope to not feel a celebration and exclamation point are in order each time I say that, but maybe.

Back to day one of the workout schedule yesterday (repeating the same DVD I started with last week on day 1) went a lot better this time around, which I expected.  I had recorded which weights I used last week so I was able to look back and I chose lighter weights for most of the excercises this time.  Since I have no pain today, and haven't for a few days, I'm going to assume I made the right choice and also that my body is getting used to this whole idea.  Today with all the jogging and jumping I was good.  I had tons of energy and felt great.  There is a bonus section at the end which I skipped last week.  Today I did 2/3 of the excercises in that section.  Once again I planned to not do any of it, but I kept going just to see how far I could get.  I was wiped out, but I could have done the last one, too.  For whatever reason I like allowing myself to cheat a little.  Like I'm saying, "Hey, I'm in charge, and I don't feel like it!"  What a rebel!  Pretty sure I'm not doing myself any favors with that one.

Please share how you're getting active, staying motivated, or anything at all!

Happy Valentine's Day!

The old me - "It's Valentine's Day, so I'm not working out!"

The today me - "It's Valentine's Day, so I'm working out!"

I'm not sure who I will be tomorrow, but I'm going to be doing my best to make the right choices!

Monday

Right now it's Monday, 6:50 pm.  Dinner isn't finished, and I know the later it gets the less likely I'll want to get that DVD out.  The kids came home at 12:20 instead of the usual 3:20 due to snow, which wiped out my normal afternoon routine.  I PLANNED to workout.  Instead, they came home and we made 4 batches of slime to put in baggies for the 4th grade class Valentine party tomorrow.  I'm not ever going to do that again, so it's a one-time excuse, right?  :)  We just learned the kids will be off all day tomorrow and I have to figure out a way to make this work.  They don't mind giving me time to work out, they actually encourage me, so it's really up to me to make the move.

In an effort to make myself more accountable I need to get this blog out there so I'm hoping to post the link to Facebook tonight.  Somehow seeing 0 comments & followers is a little less than inspiring.  Maybe someone else is struggling to put themself first (or at least closer to the top of their list) and we can help one another stay motivated.

I'll try to update again tonight.  My goal is to say I worked out, but I honestly am not feeling it, and my expectations are low.  I'm tired, and the beautiful snow falling outside makes me want to just curl up and watch the fire and maybe some TV with the kids.

Update-----I DID IT! 
Blog posted -- Check!  And I already have a couple of followers.  Exciting! 

We ate later than normal, I had old and new messes to deal with and I felt frustrated that I hadn't gotten the workout over with earlier in the day.  A little before 10 I sat down on the couch and decided, "It's really too late to get started now," but then I hopped back up and DID IT!  Woohoo!  Surprisingly, I had tons more energy than I had felt all day.  I'm not sure where it came from.  It's my favorite workout, so that helped.  It felt GREAT!  I don't know if this is good for an evening workout or not, I am always a night owl so sitting here at 12:36 not feeling like going to bed is nothing new.  But I wondered if the ass kickin' 10:00 workout & 11:00 shower would get me so wired I would never want to go to sleep.  The kids are off tomorrow for a snow day and I know they are going to want to let me sleep in a little, so I'm sure I'll be fine. 

Starting week 2 tomorrow!

About this weekend...

I had a fairly busy Friday with only a short window of time to get a workout in.  I had issues with BOTH DVD players which had never happened before.  It was really upsetting me because I needed to start RIGHT THEN to have enough time.  I was really close to throwing in the towel and I caught myself saying, "Well, maybe it's a sign I'm not supposed to do this today."  Really?  I'm proud to say that I kept trying and the result was my 5th P90X workout in a row!  As for Friday night, I said I was going to eat well at The Melting Pot, and we sure did!  It was amazing, and I enjoyed every bite.  Out of curiosity we weighed ourselves today and were only a pound up from what we had been the day before, so that was nice.  ;) 

This won't be a very insightful blog if I only share when I do everything right. 

Today was Saturday and (prepare yourself for my excuses) we were busy!  There were 2 basketball games, which cost at least 2 hours on the road, errands, and a family event tonight which ended with having one of our son's friends over until midnight.  We certainly couldn't do an excercise DVD with a friend over.  ;)  Also, I should mention that the family event was a trivia night, and we always do our fair share of snacking at a trivia.  So to sum it up we pigged out last night, ate a good breakfast and lunch but pigged out again tonight, and skipped today's workout.  My day off was supposed to be tomorrow, so I can work out tomorrow instead, and then start Monday back on track, which doesn't seem too awful.  I have to move past the unnecessary junk I ate tonight and find my energy and motivation back for tomorrow! 

The day isn't too booked, there should be NO EXCUSES to not get my very favorite workout in!

Happy Weekend!

The Sunday update -- It didn't happen.  I took my oldest two boys out shopping for Valentines, and groceries, and we were gone a lot longer than expected.  Instead of getting them set up with materials and heading upstairs to focus on me, I helped them, watched, took pictures, stuffed 22 goody bags, and had fun.  I really do enjoy Valetine's Day & the prep associated with the parties, but I should have made time for myself.  One more excuse I can add is that my husband was gone all evening, and being home with the 3 kids and the above projects made working out low priority.  I don't want to beat myself up over anything, but I want to get to a point where I'm disappointed to miss a workout, craving a workout, mad at myself for skipping, etc.  Right now, I really don't care either way.  I just know I should do it.  I'm not sure if missing Saturday's threw me out of my pattern or not, but there is always going to be a "rest" day where you do nothing, and I can't let that one day off get me off track. 

At this point, I'm technically only ONE workout behind.

TGIF!

I love, love, LOVE Fridays.  I love the anticipation of the weekend together with the family.  Relaxing, playing, running late to the basketball games (because we didn't set an alarm and the boys were so sweet to let us sleep in,) big breakfasts on Sundays, movies, pjs all day - love!  This Friday is even better because my husband & I are celebrating Valentine's Day at The Melting Pot tonight.  And just so you know, I'll be eating whatever I want.  I deserve it.  According to the scale from Sunday to today I've lost about 5 pounds.  Those first 4-5 are usually gone within a week as soon as I start correcting my eating habits, and adding excercise just makes it better.  I'm not rewarding myself at The Melting Pot because I lost a few pounds, I'd eat whatever I wanted there regardless.  You want to know why?  It's amazing.  It's CHEESE, CHOCOLATE, WINE, and we only go once a year.  We go every winter to celebrate when we began dating, now 17 years ago.  This winter we were on vacation during the holidays so we moved it to our Valentine's date night, which is perfect.  After eating well all week it's going to be that much more of a treat.

So about the excercise.. Yesterday was YOGA!  It is a 90 minute DVD.  I stuck Jackson in bed at a decent time for his nap, dimmed the lights & lit a new vanilla candle.  I was pretty shaky at first, it has been so long and it is really rough on your wrists.  I was about 15 minutes in and decided that I had done a pretty good job getting through just that much.  I decided if I did 20 minutes TOTAL, I'd be really happy with myself.  I thought about forwarding through a position (is that what they call the moves?) a number of times, and I kept telling myself, "after this one, I'm quitting."  I literally did that throughout the first 45 minutes.  All of the sudden, I was done with the "hardest" stuff, and I actually held a couple of the positions better than ever before!  After the first half the rest is a lot easier for me, so there was no point in stopping.  I did the entire video!  I really don't know what kept me motivated, I honestly was going to quit all along but I just kept on going.  Being able to share that here is fun, but I don't think that's what motivated me.  Imagining stopping early didn't make me feel like a failure or like I was giving up, I kept telling myself "I haven't done this in so long, anything that I can do is progress and I'm going to be fine with it."  But, I did it all anyway, so yay for me!

I think because it is such deep stretching, I'm also a lot less sore today because of the yoga.  Which is nice!

Quick question--for anyone that has done regular yoga (like a class) vs P90X yoga.. is that what yoga is?  I've only done P90X yoga and I'm just curious, if I took a yoga class somewhere (doubtful) is that what to expect?  If so, I can say I will probably NEVER do that in public!  :-D

Happy Friday!

OUCH!

I did complete day 3 on Wednesday.  I am sore!  My arms and chest hurt.  It hurts to drive (well, just making turns,) walk up steps, and especially to get out of bed.  Or switching positions during the night.  It's a good hurt, it's just weird how things hurt that you didn't even know could. 

I realized I'm starting at such a different place this time around, and I probably jumped in a bit too fast.  Last year I did not have a pull up bar for the first month or so, so for those excercises I was just lifting my little weights (so that I was at least doing something.)  I only had 5 pound weights for several weeks, too, so when they said "choose a heavier weight" for lifting, I was only using 5 lbs each time.  Actually, I think I had 3 lbs too, so 5 was my "heavy" weight!  Ha!  I couldn't practice pull ups, and when I did get a pull up bar I wasn't able to do much with it for quite some time!  This time I still have a little bit of that strength so I was able to do more push ups, and partial pull ups (still using those muscles!)  I also have a variety of weights now.  Going from nothing to 8, 10, 12, and 15 pound weights must be too much.  It's not that I'm missing any workouts by being a little sore, I do it anyway.  But I still cannot jog or do jumping jacks in the warmups, and a good warmup is pretty important.  Even though I haven't done any ab or serious leg work yet my legs and abs are already a little sore, too.  Not complaining really, it's still such a great feeling!  Just taking notes for myself :)

Today is yoga day.. that should be interesting!  I actually enjoy the calmness of it, but the intensity of the workout is anything but calm.  I do like to dim the lights and light a candle though, it all helps.  It is a 90 minute video, so I have to really budget my time well so that I'm starting it early enough to finish it before anyone gets home from school or wakes from a nap.  I can't have any distractions for this one.

Day 2

I didn't plan to post daily, but sharing "I got through today's workout" is going to be helpful for me right now, I think.

I DID get yesterday's Day 1 workout in, and it felt great.  Honestly, I could barely bring myself to do it, despite the motivation I felt when starting the blog.  I felt tired, there were toys in the way, I had to dig out my tennis shoes, and we had 90 minutes for me to work out for 60 minutes, shower, and head out to get the boys to Tae Kwon Do.  My husband said to do it, because I had time, and then I heard him tell the kids to run upstairs and clean up their messes "so Mommy can do her workout" while I got myself ready.  Just that little bit of "help" motivated me, and I felt like we were in this together.  I shoved the big area rug out of my way, and hit play.  Literally, within 1 second of the warmup I was already into it.  I was smiling and I knew that the rest of the workout would be a piece of cake.  I really didn't know that getting to that point was the hard part.

I'm trying to figure out how all of this blogging works.  A lot of it seems complicated but I figured out how to add pictures within the blog, so there's something.  I created a play list last night that I'm really excited about, but I have no idea how to add it here.

Today's workout went well.  I groaned when I grabbed the DVD out of the case and remembered day 2 for P90X is Plyometrics.  "Jump training," they call it.  It is pretty intense.  I quickly switched to my most supportive sports bra because my arms and chest were already so sore from Day 1, I knew I would need it.  I could hardly do anything resembling a jog for the warmup, but it quickly subsided.  I did pretty good for the amount that I completed.  I did skip out on the "bonus" sports round at the end.  I have to save something to challenge myself later ;)  No, I honestly was just pooped and wanted to stop.  I never beat myself up for not doing it all, I'm doing far more than I was for a really long time.  With these workouts you build up gradually and that's when you see the difference.  You're able to do more each week and it's pretty exciting.  I'm also recording everything that they suggest you keep track of (the reps & weights you use.)  I didn't do that the first time around.

My little one woke up from his nap about 1/3 into my workout, but he sat on the couch and watched quietly for a while, which was pretty cute.  Later I had to pause to confiscate some gum, and then later the kitchen scissors he was attempting to use to open a cheese stick!  Last year my workouts almost always ended before he woke up, and now that he's a year older and into a LOT more, I will have to avoid procrastinating getting started too late in the afternoon.  I did realize that the second break helped me to recover a bit and finish stronger, I had really been struggling.  (I thought I may not return to the workout once I stepped away from it.) 

Finishing a workout is such a fantastic feeling.  I'm proud of every minute I put into doing this for myself.  I know it will get easier if I can keep at it.

Getting back on track - Day 1

Once I get going with weight loss I usually am successful, it just doesn't stick.  Through the years I have gone through spurts of working out, taken some step classes at the Y, or pulled out the Weight Watchers materials again and started tracking points.  (I joined and hit liftetime during the summer of 2001, one year before having my first child.)  A new Weight Watchers center was opening near my house so my friend and I went to join in November 2011.  I started losing a few pounds, but I still needed to add excercise.  I never felt like going to the YMCA, although I pay for a membership and I could attend classes.  I saw an informercial for P90X just before the holidays and wondered if doing something at home may be the answer.  I decided to wait until the new year, and started P90X on Jan. 5.  I honestly figured it was probably too hard for me, and that I wouldn't really do anything with it and it would just be another waste of money.

Instead... P90X combined with Weight Watchers had me feeling better than I had ever felt, and by March I finally dropped down a size that I hadn't worn since 2001.  I looked forward to working out each day and made my plans around workouts.  I made no excuses and had no problems putting that DVD in every afternoon.  I never thought I would believe "once you start you want to keep doing it" that I had always heard, but it really happened.  I got within a pound of my original Weight Watcher's goal, and I started imagining going down another five.   

Somewhere during the spring, definitely by May, I completely stopped everything I had been doing.  We had a FL beach trip planned for June so I knew I wanted to keep going, but I stopped anyway.  I'm sure I had some fantastic excuses.  I remember doing a little P90X cramming for 10 days before the trip, (which of course, helped because you just feel better knowing you're doing SOMETHING!)  Over the summer & a little into the fall I did some workouts from a new DVD set, The Firm Express.  The idea of a 20 minute workout was too tempting to resist.  Damn infomercials.   They are great short workouts, but every time I did one I felt like I was cheating because I knew P90X was on the shelf in my closet and that THOSE were the videos that had provided me with the results I wanted.  (Still, no motivation to get those DVDs back out.)  I don't think I ever did one full week of The Firm as suggested in their book.  I did, however, like the nutrition plan and I still use some of those meal suggestions. 

About the nutrition-  Sadly, even though I am still paying for the Weight Watchers membership & there is a ridiculously easy WW app on my iPhone, I have not been to a meeting since last spring and I have only tracked a handful of meals when I have felt the urge to "maybe" start up again.

The new clothes continued to fit through the summer and into the fall.  I would only buy something new for fall/winter if that smaller size fit, which it did, despite the few pounds that were creeping in here & there.  I was feeling good that I was maintaining and because of this I allowed myself to continue doing nothing.  My eating habits weren't terrible.  I ate what I wanted when we went out, but at home I could usually maintain a pretty reasonable diet.  After recent vacations when I was feeling particularly disgusting I would get on the scale, expecting to see that bigger number, but it still wasn't there!   Almost like a game, I continued doing nothing and then sometime during the next month I'd get on the scale again, just to see.  Did I need to reach that starting weight from last January to feel motivated to start over again?  I don't quite know the answer to that.   

What I do know is that it feels like I have been eating non-stop since November!  Much like once you start working out you crave it.. once you start eating crap, you just want more of it.  I have started craving desserts & junk that I have never cared for (cake, candy.)   "I deserve it," because I just did some laundry.  WHAT?  I never was that way.  I do believe in comfort foods for a blah day, but all of the sudden you find you are celebrating with food, consoling with food, and rewarding with food (especially with the kids,) and I'd like to get away from that.  I try not to use the "d" word (diet,) and I don't believe in taboo foods.  I'm going to eat things that I love and I'm going to eat dessert - just in moderation.  By the way, cheese is non-negotiable.

It's been "eat now, figure it out later" for way too long.  As of last night I'm just a few pounds from that high starting weight last winter, and I'm done playing the game.  I hear that as you get older it becomes more of a challenge keeping the weight off so I don't want to wait any longer to get to it.

Here is a secret I'll share with you.  I received some amazing Buckle jeans for Christmas.  They are TWO sizes smaller than the ones I currently wear (which are quite a squeeze right now, I must admit.)  When I made my Christmas list in November these seemed like the best size to try.  The size in stock was just a tiny bit big - in Buckle language that means go smaller!  So the smaller size went on my list, just in case anyone was interested.  I was shocked to receive them, and sad that they didn't fit perfectly.  Even now I can still button them, but breathing, moving, or talking in them, not a chance.  I could exchange them for a different size but I don't want to.  They are folded in my closet but I think I will hang them up as motivation.  Have you ever put a picture of a model or yourself from a skinnier time on the fridge or on a mirror?  I have never done that, and I'm not sure it would help me but I'm thinking those super cute jeans just may be a real tangible incentive.

I don't look in the mirror and gross myself out (too often.)  I'm good with me.  I am not consumed with the scale, but I can always "feel" the extra few pounds clinging to my body as soon as I've had a week or two of over-doing it, and that is what bothers me.   I have a lot of clothes I've collected through the years (that's a separate blog,) so if my smaller sizes get a little tight it's not a catastrophic event.  I pull out something that was too big and I realize, damn, this isn't so big right now.  I tell myself I may need to start doing something about it, and eventually, I do.  Maybe there is too much comfort having various sizes on-hand, but I also don't want to be down on myself and frantic about what to wear every time something starts to get snug.  That's no way to be happy. 

So, I have the tools I need to get back to where I want to be, it's just a matter of doing it.  I'm ready.
Note:  I just deleted "I think" before the "I'm ready."  Progress?

Time to work out... Day 1!